Magic of harmonious relationships
or What is under the surface
Love Magic is the way of making things happening easier and faster, and of understanding better and deeper. But love spells and the understanding of things are not enough. They are the basis for the most important thing: real transformation and permanent change. Only our own transformation will bring into our lives the thing, we all are looking for: happiness, safety and harmony.
Why do we love and break up?
What attracts us & what makes us attractive?
There are several factors, which determine, how attractive or unattractive we are for others. The more aware we are of these factors and we work on them, the more we can achieve. Being attractive is not just a gift from Gods. It is also in our hands and we can influence it!
1. The personal reality filter and how we see ourselves
Every person has certain knowledge, priorities, strengths and weaknesses. These determine the way we think about the world and about ourselves. What we individually consider to be attractive, is a manifestation of two basic principles:
A.) The attraction of opposites: we are attracted to those qualities and things, we don't possess.
B.) The search for harmony and resonance.
At first sight, these two principles appear to be at odds with each other. But in reality, they are not, they actually supplement each other.
Here is one example: There is a gypsy man who comes from a family of poor musician. Through his personal reality filter, he will judge people according to their musical abilities. But, at the same time, he will also be attracted to a woman without any musical background who possesses qualities that he doesn’t. For example, it could be a woman with a university degree who has blond hair. So, say he meets a woman with higher education from a family of well educated and sports oriented people. She has no musical talent and he is a well known musician. In this instance, it is very probable that they will be attracted towards each other; because they are each attracted to something that they don’t possess and at the same time, they want to achieve harmony.
The attraction is present because, A) She is interested in music and admires great musicians and B) He likes blond women and admires higher academic qualities and intelligence. However, if she is not interested in music, she won’t be attracted to this man and if he doesn’t think that education is important, he won’t be attracted to her qualities. Simply put, the possibility of harmony wouldn’t exist.
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2. Personal energy level
The basic principle of energy says: the more energy we have, the more attractive we are.
For example: if the man from the previous example has some serious disease or if he cannot sleep properly, his energy level would become low. In this case, the woman will lose her interest, and if they are not already in a relationship, she won’t even give him a chance to date her.
So, if we want to attract others, we have to be fit: full of energy, enthusiastic and happy! Money are also energy. This is the reason, why are wealthy people more attractive than poor people. They have more energy, they are relaxed and therefore more attractive!
3. Individual physical, psychical and spiritual level
The individual level of physical, psychical and spiritual development also determines our expectations of our partner. This doesn't always mean that our partner has to be on the same level as we are. But it does mean that the more developed we are in some area (spiritual, psychical, financial), the more we also need and expect from our partner. We are more attracted towards potential partners on a similar or higher level of personal development.
Let’s continue with the man in the previous example. Let’s assume, that his energy problem has ended and he is ok again, and so the woman he likes is interested in being with him again. Let’s also assume, that she has a university degree in biology and he only has basic education. After some time, she will become aware of this difference and this can become a problem in their relationship. But, if he is also aware of this and he values education himself and says to her: "I was living in such and such environment, but I want more and I want to increase my education level." In this way, he will remove the obstacle, and he will become even more attractive in her eyes than he was before. In the same way, if she has no interest in music, his affection for her will fade over time. But if she decides to learn a simple musical instrument, such as the flute for him, she will become more attractive to him than before.
The power of the Subconscious mind
How to use it for yourself
At the beginning of every relationship, we look at everything through rose-colored glasses. Through this perspective, everything seems to be perfect: our relationship and also our partner. But time makes us see things differently. We start to notice mistakes and weaknesses and the first fights start. The rose- coloured glasses are gone. Welcome to the reality. …Is this really so? And what exactly is this reality?
We can see the glass as half full or half empty. It really depends on us. Nothing has changed, neither our partner, nor reality. Most of the time, it is up to us, as to where we focus our attention. Why did we put away this rose-coloured glasses? It was so nice to have them on… We can wear these glasses again, but in order to do that, we have to get to know ourselves better. If we look at the mirror and notice that our face is dirty, we don’t try to clean the mirror, we try to clean our own face.The same concept also applies to our relationship and our partner. If we don't like something about our partner, we should find out why they are acting in this way, and then we should find out why we dislike it.
For example: Say you always admired how easily your partner handles difficulties and how he doesn’t take anything too personally or seriously. Suddenly, you realise that you don’t like this quality anymore because he should take some things more seriously. Is this really your partner’s fault? We cannot say in general, which things are acceptable and which are not, and what is the limit. But we can say this: Go inside of you and examine yourself. Ask yourself, is my judgement correct? The only thing, you can do, is to decide, whether the glass is half full or half empty for you. If you decide to love your partner again and give him your love and respect, then, you can experience the effect of the rose-coloured glasses again. Nothing has changed, except for your perception of reality!
We can learn how to perceive reality in the healthiest way for ourselves, by using the tools of meditation and introspection. Every problem is also an opportunity to grow, if we want to see it that way. Of course, there are also some difficult situations, like disease, lack of money or death and for these situations, it is not good to pretend, that everything is just fine. It is ok to cry or to be angry. But not for too long, because then, it goes against us.
This means: after loosing someone, are you depressed for several hours or for weeks? Is your partner angry at you for half a day or only for 10 minutes and then she forgets about everything? The speed, how fast can we calm down, matters.
One should always try to fix the problem. The best way how to do that, is to focus on solution instead of on the problem itself. We cannot avoid all problems in life, such as
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health problems or financial issues. We just need to keep in mind, that every problem has a solution, and if we are able to extend our consciousness and open to new possibilities, our problems can turn into new opportunities!
Say someone loses his job, but what if he can find something better? What if when we lose a job, it’s the first step towards our independence? What if we find that our hobby can also become our job? Is that really so bad? What if our health, financial or relationship problems are really there to teach us how to be healthier, how to deal reasonably with money and how to communicate better with our partner? In this way, the disaster in our lives can turn into a new chance and in this way, we can change our destiny!
In the beginning, we feel that our relationship brings us happiness, and life is brighter and easier. But we are not able to sustain this attitude, and when we return to our normal selves, we begin to see problems. We expect our partner to make us happy and if s/he can’t do this, we feel angry or betrayed.
But how about us being the catalyst for happiness in our relationships?We can create this brightness, joy and good mood within us and then, transfer it also to our partner. There are many things, which can make us sad or angry. But there are also many things, which can make us feel better: good food, good weather, a nice walk, a good movie, or little acts of love,. All of these things can make us feel good and happy.
We’re not saying that we should overlook some problems we may be having. What we want to say is that, we don’t have to allow these problems to destroy our positive emotional state of mind. We can program our unconsciousness to feel the joy of life again!
The love in many relationships fades away because after some time, people return to their old patterns and behaviours. But we are able to reprogram our subconscious mind by using affirmations, meditation and/or introspection. The best time to work with affirmations or self-hypnosis is early on during the day after we wake up, or right before going to sleep. We recommend that early in the morning, or right before bedtime, you visualise
who you want to be, how you want to react and what you want to achieve. You can make this visualisation stronger by going into a meditation, concentrating on your breath. In this way, you can achieve a form of trance, which is the state where you can reprogram yourself. The subconscious mind works automatically. The good thing is, this saves our energy. For example, when we were first learning how to walk or drive, in the beginning it was difficult. But once we learned it well, our brain started to do these things automatically and it started to become easy for us. The same principle applies to our behaviours and reactions. The problem with these automatic reactions and behaviours is when they negatively influence our relationships.
Change doesn't happen after doing one affirmation or meditation, or just by merely wishing for it. It is necessary to occupy one's mind with it. Why do I react like this? What is behind it, what need, or what fear? One has to know exactly, what s/he wants, how s/he wants to behave or who s/he would like to become. It is useful to write everything down in a diary. Ask yourself: How do I feel about that? What is my goal? Which qualities I need to have? At first sight this might look too easy to a make difference, but it really helps.
A harmonious relationship is free from addiction
The problem occurs when someone is addicted to their partner. There is no room for individuality in this case, and such a person stops having his/her own life and s/he is fully focused on the partner and what they do or say. Addicted people feel bad, because their partner feels bad, or they feel happy only when their partner says or does something that makes them happy.
Addiction to a partner is toxic and just as with any other addiction, people lose themselves and this unhealthy bond cuts them off from feeling any sort of happiness.
How do you know when you are addicted?
People are addicted, when they say ‘I can't live without him/her’, or ‘I don't want to live without her/him’. This puts unhealthy pressure on their partner. No one wants to be responsible for the life or happiness of his wife or her husband! No one wants to hear; If you love me, you have to do this for me’.
Many of our clients are addicted to their ex-partners. We for recommend them to meet other people. To go out for dinner or to the cinema. To have more friends, more opportunities. This decreases the addiction to one person.
If you love someone so much, that his/her „I want you“ or „I don't want you“ directly influences your life, then S/he will not find you interesting. Knowing this, you can say that you don’t want to be addicted to your partner, but how do you stop your addiction?
It won’t help if you leave your current partner and find someone else. You need to understand that you are not alone; that you can be happy without this or that partner. We are not separated from the world around us. People around us are fellow human beings looking for light, love and truth. Some of them are aware of this and they behave in a good manner. Others who are not still not aware, behave badly making lots of mistakes and creating suffering. If you know that life has a deeper meaning, then you win. You are free from chasing the understanding, attention and the love of others. But words are not enough, you need to feel this and understand it. And the tool for achieving this is meditation.
How to work with an addiction
I invite you now to see the situation with a different perspective. To see your relationship with fresh eyes. You need to observe yourself sincerely in this situation. Observe, how does it feel to be dependent on someone (dependent on what s/he says when you call and on how s/he behaves)? What are the consequences of your decision that you only want to be with this certain person?
What do you gain? Is there the happiness that you are looking for? What do you lose? Also observe yourself in a different relationship with a friend or family remember where you are not addicted. What is different there? How do you feel there? Investigate, what kind of thoughts do you have when you think about your partner or ex-partner? And then try to experience, who would you be without these thoughts.
Observe yourself sincerely. See what is going on. Find out, what do you want to feel and then decide what to do.