What to do?!

Should I stay or should I leave him/her?


My relationship does not work. Should I stay or should I leave?

I am confused. How to decide?

A decision whether to stay with a partner or end up the relationship, is very individual and depends on many factors. To make the final decision, whether relationship should be saved, or it is time to walk away, is sometimes very hard! The decision process also consumes lots of personal energy. Therefore, many people procrastinate in taking decision in order to avoid a suffering. But in this case, it is better to face the truth than to live a half-life without happiness! There are several elements that can reveal you, if your relationship is a "STAY" or "LEAVE!"

It is very helpful to ask yourself certain questions, because the most important thing you need, is to clear the situation for yourself and see it from different perspective. Write down all your thoughts about current situation, so that you can read them and return to them later, in order to change them or to develop them further. Ask your best friends and family, what is their opinion and why. Think about everything and evaluate your possibilities. These questions can help you to decide:

    Is the behaviour of my partner really so bad, unbearable, unacceptable? Do you experience something, what should not occur in "normal" relationship? (Quarrels, fights, being angry or nervous is something, that occurs in all relationships. We cannot avoid it, but we can learn, how to communicate our feelings better and this will create less stress.)This something can be for example, that your partner is addicted to gambling, alcohol, drugs, or his jealousy or abusive behaviour restrict your personal freedom. In this case, there should be no doubts about leaving him! Experience of thousands of women/men is the same- such behaviour will grow stronger and more destructive.

    What did I do in order to improve our situation? Did I try to speak with him or to visit some therapist? Did I try to create a harmony? Or did I take some steps to show him that I am serious? Did I change something he/she asked me to do for the improvement of the situation? Concentrate on you and your responsibility, not on what your partner should or shouldn’t do. If you see that you did everything to fix it, but your partner refuses to make improvements, be aware, that the situation cannot be better.

    What would be his/her words to defend him/herself? Try to look at the situation with his/her eyes, what would his/her feelings look like? What would you have to feel to behave like him/her?

    In which areas are we the same and where are we different? If your opinions on basic things, way of life or direction of your life are too different, you will need great amount of tolerance to create harmony. The question is, what can you respect and what is beyond your personal borders?

    How would it be after our separation? Write down real steps you would do, if you decide to leave him/her. For example: to divorce and divide property (how much will be mine?), find a flat or let him/her allow to move away from my house, my financial situation as single person, my commitments like kids etc...

    What are positives and negatives of this step? Write down two lists: first one will be about what you will gain from separation and the second one will be about what you will loose. See, what prevails.

If it is possible, try to go somewhere away from your house, where you can be alone. Before analyzing the whole situation, try to do something relaxing, something what you like. Try to make your decision in a relaxed state of mind, not angry or depressed. This will help you to decide better than in the usual state of mind.

Are you respected?

Respect is a sign, that your partner really loves you

Respect is the quality, which shows you, how your partner really cares about you! Nice words don’t have to be the sign of love. They can be just the sign of manipulation. It is especially in the situations, when despite of nice words, you feel something is simply “not right”. Be aware, that lack of respect toward you comes from the lack of respect towards him/herself. Find out, what behaviour can be the sign of small respect toward you:

    S/he speaks mostly about your negative sides and wants you to stop it or „fix“ it. We are not speaking about constructive criticism, which helps you to get rid of something, what is harming for you or for both of you. We are speaking about the behaviour, where you are in the position of „small child doing something wrong“ or „employee“.

    S/he is not open for compromises. This is the sign, that your partner doesn't take into consideration your needs and desires. In this case, you find yourself constantly doing things your partner’s way.

    S/he doesn’t really listen. This point is not just about ignoring you, or telling you directly, that s/he doesn't have time for you now or doesn't want to listen to you. Youcan experience, that your partner is constantly interrupting you or talking over you.

    S/he behaves better to others than to you, or s/he behaves nice only if s/he want something from you.

© Daghan-Malenky GmbH / Author Slavka Photos istockphoto.com / Anna Bryukhanova / Pavol Malenky

Are you having problems with you love life? Is there many fights and harmony is fading away? Or did your relationship already ended and you feel empty and desperate? Often, these problems can be fixed. But you need professional help. We can help to repair your relationship! We can analyze, if there is a way to harmony or if it is better to let it go and find better partner. Call us. We are looking forward to helping you.

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Marion Daghan-Malenky
White Magic
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